So Thankful!

Lately on Facebook I have been seeing people daily post what they are thankful for.

It's been neat to see what they focus on each day.

I began to think about what I would post, had I started from the first day of November.

I find myself to be stuck.

How do I begin to describe thankfulness for the things we all take for granted? Thankfulness for food, clothing, shelter, safety, love, choices, opinions, faith, religion, education, friends, family, neighbors, pets, health, and so many other things are just expected to be there.

I want our kids to begin to understand life a little more. They are so sheltered in our own situation that they don't quite see the big picture. And in some ways it's good to let the kids be naive, just let them have peace for a while, no worries. On the other hand, they need to learn to think about other people's needs and how they might be able to help out in some way. 

I've been wanting to do a service project with them for a while, so when my neighbor mentioned that the day before Thanksgiving they were going to help pass out food at the school she works at, I knew that this was something to participate in. 

 Here are my kids and my neighbor's kids, sans one, after the work was done.

Sal had onion duty. He helped with putting onions in people's bags.

We have no other photos, but Ellie, Joey and I passed out booklets to the kids.

When the booklets were gone we moved to a few other various jobs to help out.

It was an awesome experience that I felt so lucky to help out with. I also had mixed emotions because people were saying thank you, and I didn't feel that I had done anything other than pass out food, offer a smile, and say Happy Thanksgiving. Others had organized, planned, and supplied a truck load of food. We just passed it out. 

When we were leaving that morning, I had Joey (with his backside soaked because he went down a slide that was wet), crying that he didn't pass out food! I tried to help him understand that even though he didn't pass out food, we did so many other things to help.The car ride had a pungent aroma of onions thanks to Sal's hard work. And in my mind I was thinking of the next project we could help out with...maybe a beach clean up day!

The best part came when we were going home and Salvatore said, "Thanks Mom for taking us to help out today, I want to do it again."

Melt my thankful heart!

(cheesy, but true)

Some light being shed...

I've been working through the book "Lord, Help Me Grow Spiritually Strong in 28 Days"

I'm on day 18 and it's taken me 55 days so far...some of us are slow learners.

Buy it here on Amazon.

There have been many things that I've learned so far and I do believe that this book is really helping me to understand who God is and how I can relate to Him and know Him better.

But today, Day 18, 55 days into it...something really hit home for me. 

In one of my recent posts I had expressed some of the real and honest feelings that I had been having. The thoughts that were going through my mind about my decisions, my body, and my life in general.

They were not positive thoughts by any means. They were harsh and negative thoughts that would get me nowhere but down further than I was. In this book she calls that "warfare" and says that it is "the fare of every child of God." Whoa! This negativity, this depression is being used to the Devil's advantage. As long as I'm feeling this way, he can take me down farther because I'm open to hearing and believing any lie that gets fed to me. According to the author, "He (the Devil), knows your weaknesses- where you are vulnerable. He knows how and when to bring your past before you."

This is what has been happening to me. I use to have a "can do" attitude, but in recent years I have had a "can't" attitude more times than I'd like to admit to. I realize that I have allowed things to get worse and opened myself up for this warfare by not protecting my mind and heart with positive affirmations, and scriptures to lift me up. 

I've come to a place where I realize that the more I say "I can't" the easier it gets to say "I can't." I like the "I can" person that I used to be. I've bought a daily devotional that is geared towards positive affirmations, as recommended by my counselor. I've also decided that my Thursdays with my Bible study group HAS TO BE A PRIORITY! I've grown SO much because of those amazing women that I've had the joy and pleasure of knowing. I was ready to put that to the side because of my obligations to the kids and their education. I don't think that would be a wise thing to continue doing.

We need to think positive thoughts. What we say to ourselves internally will come true! And that isn't always a good thing. Sometimes our inner conversation can be so horrible, even degrading at times. It has to stop! We have to be our own cheerleaders sometimes. And negative inner talk has no place in motivating us to do well.

This excerpt was put in this chapter...Day 18, 55 days into the 28 days to grow spiritually strong... hey, some of us don't like to rush things. We like to savor what we're doing... hee hee.

This is from Paul 4:4-9

"4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!

5 Let your gentle spirit be known to all men.. The Lord is near.

6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

7And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

9The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."

What a beautiful passage that gives instruction and peace to those in need of positive affirmation. My favorite part is verse 7. 

Lord, guard our minds especially. When negative thoughts, demeaning criticism comes...reduce it to a small flutter of a thought that once was. Fill our minds with positive, loving thoughts. The kind of thoughts that propel us through our day, not reduce us to dark corners in our minds. We are so thankful that you are a God of love and hope.

Sometimes we need a break from ourselves...sometimes we need to put our thoughts on a time out until we can deal with them in a healthier way.

Then maybe the next time someone says "Peace be with you", it is with you...in your mind, soul and heart.

Peace.

***Just a side note...for those of you wondering if I make money from the links that I add to my blog...the answer is no! First of all, I don't get near enough traffic to make any money on this blog, and secondly I live in a state that is not allowed to have partnership with Amazon. Other blogs will make money if you click on the link of a product from Amazon and purchase it...our lovely state isn't included in that partnership program. If I link an item, it's just because I personally think it's great!***

Power of a Pinky Swear

Sal came home today and I could tell that something was off. He wasn't his usual self, way too quite for him. 

For the kid who has something to say "really very often" (the nice way to put it), silence is a dead give away that something's wrong.

So after dinner, I walked back with him to his room and asked how his day was.

"Fine," he said.

"Just fine? Did anything happen?" I asked.

"Nope," he said.

Hm, this is so not normal!

I proceeded to remind him how well I knew him and that I could tell something was off.

He insisted that all was okay.

So I continued on the importance of us communicating with each other. Now that he is in school for part of the week, he needs to talk with me so that I can help him.

It's all good Mom...

Then I reminded him about the other times that I had to pull it out of him when I knew something was up.

Everything is fine Mom.

So I made him pinky swear that if anything was bothering him, or if he was ever worried about something that he would talk to me so that we could work it out.

I explained to him that as his mother, it is my job to make sure he is okay or to be there for him when he needs me, and that he needs to let me be there for him when situations arise.

"But Mom," he said, "I wouldn't want you to cry."

Panic! Loss of breath! Stars in my vision!

"Why would I cry? What would possibly make me cry?" I asked.

"Well like right now, you're getting teary eyed," he said.

I explained to him that I was just worried, but if he said it is all good, that I believe him. It's all good...so let's complete the pinky swear. 

I held out my pinky, he held out his...we locked and made our promise.

Then a look came over his face.

"Mom, today at school I jammed my finger while playing basketball and it really hurts." he said.

um...

"So, is that what has been bothering you? Did the kids give you a hard time about it?" I asked.

"Nope, they didn't see it. It's just really bugging me," he said.

"So, why didn't you tell me?" I asked.

"Well, I didn't want you to worry, but then we did a pinky swear and I knew I had to tell you," he said.

Are you serious??? All this time I could have had him pinky swear with me and he would have fessed up? I believe that is the first pinky swear that I have ever made. I never knew they were so powerful.

That at the grasp of the smallest digit on the hand it compels the other player/person to spill the beans with no hesitation? In grade school I thought I was too old for the "pinky swear" and now I realize how much I missed out on. Oh that gains I could have gained!

But alas, I am not going to think about the "what ifs", the "should have beens."

I am now going to use it to my advantage. I may even use it on a business deal of some sort. Maybe the next time I buy a car I'll make the car salesman pinky swear that this in fact is the "best price in town". That I, in fact, will lose the car of my dreams if I don't buy it this instant. 

I wonder if their pinky would just fall off... food for thought.

Even though I thought my pinky swear did the job I found out 5 minutes later that it was only half effective. Pete went in to check on him while he was getting ready for bed. He asked him what that bruise was on his ribcage. Sal said that when the whistle is blown at the end of recess they have to freeze right away. Well, today he froze right away and one foot happened to be suspended in air at that moment. He lost his balance and fell over. Pete suggested that the teachers didn't mean to literally freeze to where he'd fall over. Next time...freeze with both feet on the ground.

Until next time...

Yet another change!

I can't believe the number of changes our family has been through in the last six months.

It's almost overwhelming at times.

It feels as if every week we're having to adjust.

This is a good adjustment.

 My little girl will be going to school with her big brother.

 As much as it saddens me...tear...I know that it will be good for her and me.

 She recently told me she was bored at home. Ouch! She misses her brothers and felt she had nothing to do. Well, now she does. I'm glad I have confidence in this school to send both kids there. This year will be a year of taking care of myself so that I can make a good decision for how we are to carry on (to homeschool or not to homeschool, is the question).

So this year I'll take my time, pray A LOT, and hope that the guidance is strong enough so that I don't second guess myself, whatever my decision may be. 

The only problem is that...

 ...this little guy will miss her when he isn't at preschool. I have a feeling I'm going to hear the "I'm bored" thing from him too.

Here's to change!

Little bit of nature…

Here’s some pictures from a recent trip that we took. We went on many hikes. Don’t forget to click on each image to see a larger picture of it.

I loved it.

I love being out with God’s creation.

I love the peace that comes from being deep in a forest. A place when trees fall they aren’t heard by human ears.

I love wondering about who or what inhabits these trees.

I love looking up at bits of sunlight shining through the foliage. I love knowing that there is beauty in the shady areas too.

I love the microscopic…the minute details of His glory.

I love the varying beauty found within miles of each other.

I should take more time to notice them within my own space.

It isn't bad to reassess.

Life had become crazy.

It became apparent that something needed to change.

But what?

I LOVE homeschooling and desire to continue, but at what cost?

It was time to reassess.

The definition of reassess is to: consider or assess again, esp. while paying attention to new or different factors. New or different factors...hmmmm. While I'm not sure we have new or different factors, we definitely have continuing factors that maybe I didn't realize would be factors in the game of life.

So, I sent my oldest to school where there is a modified homeschool schedule. Every Friday is a home day along with various other days in the year totaling 55 days out of the school year. Great right? Depends on the day, I guess.

You see, I had meant to homeschool for longer than two years. I had meant to give my children the chance to grow and learn at a pace appropriate for them individually. 

But, quite frankly, I hit a wall. It might have been "proverbial", but it physically felt real. This summer put me up against a wall where I had to really look at myself and reassess.

There's this thing called grief that's a real joy kill. Even when you feel that you've dealt with your grief, it can sometimes show up in other avenues. 

This summer I had minor surgery, my husband traveled a lot, there was extended family strife, and much more. The "wall" made me realize that I am not healthy. I'm not healthy emotionally to be able to serve my family in the way I'd love to. I've put off taking care of myself because life happened at light speed and I didn't make the time to deal with my loss and how that loss affects me. 

I've become frustrated, negative, depressed, and quite frankly, at times, just a bore to be around. This is not who I perceive myself to be, but what does my perception matter if what I project to those around me is polar opposite of my perception of myself? I want to shine. I'm not speaking of shining in the sense that I'm the center of attention. I'm speaking of the light that you see in people when they are genuinely happy. That light that they give to others to make their day just a little bit better.

So reassessment occurred in our home.

 I've started seeing a Naturopath Doctor in an effort to also be healthy physically. One thing that I like is her whole body approach. One thing may be a symptom of another thing. She's treating me for adrenal fatigue. Adrenal fatigue occurs when you've been through long term stress and the adrenal glands can no longer secrete hormones at a level to deal with stress. I'll start posting more on this as I learn about it.

I've actually just made a counseling appointment to deal with a few things. I thought I might be embarrassed to admit that, but I'm not. I've tried for almost eleven years now to "deal" with my grief and I haven't done a bad job, but I definitely need tools to help me get to that next level of healing. I need tools to deal with what isn't, or what has changed as a result of the loss. I don't want to live in this world where I believe I'm good and yet unknowingly put my "stuff" on those around me. We may think we're alone in our situations, but we're not. Our actions affect those around us. Our inaction... or maybe idleness... affects those around us. We are not solitary beings in a universe whose action does not have a reaction. 

For every action there is a reaction.

So when I look around my home and I see this year's curriculum lined up in the bookshelves, I know my first thoughts will be defeat, inadequate...I'm going to try to remember that this time is to get healthy. This way I could do more for our Lord, be more useful. This time can be used to get ready to continue next year with a happier tone to our day.

And when I feel that skin fold over my jeans, I know my first thought will be fat, lazy...but then I'll remember that right now I'm healing. I'm healing from surgery and fatigue. That will take time and patience. Healthy is beautiful and sometimes Healthy isn't skinny. God created me and he thinks I'm perfect.

And when the tears roll down my cheeks from frustration of circumstances that I can't change...I'll remind myself to work on what I can with a person who has the tools to help me. 

And, instead of counting the days that my husband is gone...I'll count the days that we're together. 

And when the housework isn't finished or up to par...I'll look at those kids. That will be reminder enough of the job I'm doing and the importance of it.

I hope this gives you a little peek into reality for me. I hope that maybe someone will read this and identify with it. Maybe, even, find some peace in it. And if, for nothing else, it helps my family and friends understand me a little more, then it will have been worth it to pour out honesty about my struggles.

"I run in the path of your commands, for you have sett my heart free."  Psalm 119:32

Check yourself!

...and it's been a good day.